We all fail at something at some point. It sucks. I’m not even going to humor you by starting this post off with some lame motivational quote. As much as I love motivational quotes, we all need to be realistic sometimes. Failing sucks. Winning rules!

Two weeks ago I gave a harsh reality check for those that wanted to blog full-time. T

Today we’re going to talk about how you can deal with failure (since I failed with my product launch, remember?) and bounce back higher than ever!

Pamela Slim said it best in Escape From Cubicle Nation:

A lot of our view in of failure in popular American culture is romanticized. The fact is, while you are failing, it feels really awful and does not become the enlightened lesson that you receive until you have some distance between you and the excruciating experience.

Barry Moltz is a bit more emotional in Bounce! Failure, Resiliency, and Confidence to Achieve Your Next Great Success:

Treat all the outcomes you label as “failure” with an open mind and appreciative attitude, and learn from them. When we are finally able to let go, we are ready for the next experience.

You might agree with quote #1 or or #2 more. Regardless of which point you agree with, I wanted to share how you can deal with failure from what I’ve learned from failing a few times.

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Your projects or audacious goals don’t have to be all or nothing. Personally, it’s more fun for me to throw EVERYTHING on the line. This is what I did with my eBook launch. All of my time went towards work involving this project. This ranged from studying psychology to sell the book to reaching out to my friends in the blogging community for feedback. All of my free time and emotions went into this launch.

What I’m getting at is that your goals don’t have to always be all or nothing. For example, if you strive to lose 15lbs and you lose only 5 because you ended up getting more muscular (muscle weighs more than fat), then you didn’t fail. You just reached a different goal. I learned that my eBook launch failed but I know have content at my disposal and I know how to write an eBook and launch it. I just need to learn how to get others to buy some damn copies. You don’t always have to view everything as “all or nothing.” This isn’t some action movie.

There are always lessons learned.

Yes I know. Telling someone that they learned a lesson is lame and much easier when you’re not the one failing. The reality here is that we do learn from everything.

We learn from everything that we do. I’m a huge fan of testing out different techniques. This is how I got better at approaching women at bars to the point that it was no longer fun. You need to try different approaches and strategies to see what works. Looks like I don’t have the audience to support a product. No big deal. Time to move on.

Grow a set and move on.

It’s NEVER worth it to feel sorry for yourself. Screw that! You need to be on top of the world no matter what. I’m guilty of feeling sorry for myself for a few days. Yep it’s embarrassing.

I know too many people that go around feeling sorry for themselves about every little issue. Then there are others that are going through much worse but don’t have time to wallow in self-pity because they’re too damn busy working. You need to grow a set and move on. That’s it.

Don’t stop setting audacious goals.

I don’t set lame goals or take the safe way out. Just because you failed once it doesn’t mean that you have to be afraid of setting huge goals for the future. You need to keep on thinking big and setting ambitious goals. Life’s too short to spend it on shit that doesn’t matter.

You need to fail.

It’s true. We all need to fail. Failing fucking sucks! However, if you’re not failing then you’re not trying hard enough. I could’ve spent October writing about how Bank of America added fees and then took them down (just like every single personal finance blogger did). Instead I chose to write about shit that matters. I want my readers to conquer credit and get out of debt. Other bloggers can keep on writing about fee increases at banks and other boring topics.

At the end of the day, you can easily deal with failure and bounce back higher than ever.

Have you dealt with a failure recently? Please share the experience here.

I wanted to finish off with some theory from Seth Godin on the topic of how successful people fail:

Successful people learn from failure, but the lesson they learn is a different one. They don’t learn that they shouldn’t have tried in the first place, and they don’t learn that they are always right and the world is wrong and they don’t learn that they are losers. They learn that the tactics they used didn’t work or that the person they used them on didn’t respond.

(photo credit: rob boudon)

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Man…. I remember this like it was just yesterday. Back in my apartment in Montreal, I was just starting my career. At that time, not long after I quit my first job without notice and found my way to another department at the same bank after a few weeks. A year later, I was sitting on my couch on a lazy evening, not doing much. My wife was out for a work meeting and I had nothing to do besides watch the boring premiere of a cheap version of Gilligan’s Island but with a plane instead of a boat… Oh yeah… I’m talking about Lost . At first, I was definitely not sure about this series… and then I got hooked!

Dude! What’s the point of talking about Lost on this blog? Keep reading… you’ll find out

6 awesome seasons later, one per year, Lost ended-up with the best series finale ever in my opinion. That was back in May 2010. During the same 6 years (from September 2004 to May 2010), I did a lot of things:

- I got 4 promotions and went from a 30K annually to a 135K salary in 2010.

- I got married with the most amazing woman in the world.

- I started a 6 figure online business with my best friend.

- I had 2 marvelous kids.

- I got my securities license, Certified Financial Planner degree and my MBA.

- I’ve been able to gather all my friends from different paths (high school, in-laws, university, neighborhood) together each Xmas and now rent vacation properties all together.

- I’ve managed my way to obtain a 4 day/week schedule at my day job and work on my blog one full day a week.

- I’ve made more friends during the MBA program and we still see each other from time to time.

- I’ve gone from a negative net worth to almost $200,000 net worth.

- I’ve learned how to play golf, started a steady workout schedule at the gym and played softball in a garage league.

- I’ve done all this and never missed 1 episode of Lost. In fact, I also got hooked on many other series such as Prison Break, House, Dexter,  etc.

So What’s the Point?

The point is that I did a lot of things that contributed to my financial situation during these past 6 years and still have a life. I am able to be there for my family and friends, all the time.

The point is that I am not better than you, not smarter than you. I just did a few things differently.

And I think you can do the same.

And I’m about to tell you how…. This week

How to Crush it and still have a life

When I was a kid, my financial goal was simple: make $100K per year. I have upped that, added a small modification to that goal:

Make 100K per year while working less than 30 hours a week

I’ve discovered that making 6 figures was not that complicated in the financial world. However, reducing your work hours below 35 hours is almost mission impossible. Why? Because of the Dream Crashers! In the upcoming weeks, I’ll share with you my tricks on how to:

- Reduce your work hours without affecting your salary

- Find time to build a sideline business without ditching your friends and family

- Create activities that will generate money

So tell me what you have a problem with

I already have a pretty good idea of how I will build this series and what will be included in it. But I need to know what your issues are to make sure that I hit the right nails and close the coffin on fears that prevent you from living a better life.

So tell me, what is holding you back? Is it time? Resources? Money? Ideas?

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They are everywhere.

They are watching you.

They are closer than you think.

And they are waiting…

To destroy your precious…

They are the Dream Crashers

Nope, it’s not some late Halloween post I wanted to write or a lame parody of Lord of The Rings (hum… my precious….). I’m talking about a sad phenomenon; I’m talking about the guys stuck in the matrix (man… what’s going on with me and all these movie references today !?!).

But seriously folks, I’m talking about people that don’t do things like you do but differently. They will do everything they can so you stop your behavior and get you back in line. You might not get what I’m talking about right now so let me share with you a little story of mine. It’s called…

What the F&*/ do you care about what I’m doing with my life?

I don’t mean to use the F word on this blog but this is exactly how I felt last week after my lunch. I was invited to some “special” lunch with some “special guests” at a “special conference”. All of this because my company wants me to feel “special”… ugh! In the corporate world, it is seen as a gift of a great importance when you are invited to sit with the great rulers of the tribe. I was actually more interested in listening to the conference (as the speakers are usually very sharp) than sharing the peace pipe with the great rulers .

Anyways, we are sitting at the table and eating some green piece of… “something-fancy-I-guess” with 3 slices of tomatoes and 5 pieces of roquette (that’s French salad ) and the conversation begins… Everybody is obviously there to shine and show how great they are (I’m sure you have lived this at work too ).

In these conversations, I always step back and listen to people. I prefer to listen to them and watch how they act then produce my own show. But I’m always get into some discussions because I am fascinating… Nope, I’m not talking about my charisma… I’m talking about the fact that I’m one of those rare beasts who succeed in the corporate world while working 4 days a week…. Worse than that, I  don’t crush 40 hours into 4 days… I literally work 30 hours per week (and to be totally honest, I leave at 3pm on Friday ).

So each time someone brings that topic up and asks me in front of everybody:

“So Mike, how do you like working 4 days a week?”

That’s the signal.

I feel them.

They were closely watching their prey and now they will jump on it and shred it to pieces…

“You work 4 days a week? Really?”

This question is either posed with disgust (as I must be a dumb, lazy ass who doesn’t want to work) or with pity (as I’m not good enough to work 40 hours a week like a “normal, devoted” employee).

Then, they start with more remarks such as:

“Don’t say it out loud, you know that HR doesn’t like this”

“You’re very lucky, I would never let my employees do so”

“I don’t believe in family-work reconciliation”

And my 2 favorites that I heard last week:

“Now that we are opening on evenings and weekends, such arrangements will disappear”

“Imagine how much you could have brought in if you were working that 5^th day”

Both were coming from the same guy who I call the Grand Dream Crasher. In his opinion, there is nothing more important than working and succeeding. Where I see quality time with my family and flexibility, he sees laziness and a lack of motivation.

The dream crashers are pretty good to plant the seed of doubt in your mind. Since you are not doing what the crowd is doing, they will put the spotlight on you and make you doubt your decisions. They will question your actions and beliefs. Most people will stay polite and not say a word. Especially if you have recently started to implement changes in your life (such as eating healthier, working less, starting a side line or a business). It’s because you are doing something they don’t get.

I spend a whole section of my book, Escaping the Rat Race explaining things people don’t get and how to avoid to arguing with them. It’s very important to avoid arguing and explaining as you waste a lot of time and energy doing it and the dream crashers will never quit. Their beliefs in the corporate world are stronger than religious fanatics or Packers fans on Monday night football . Worse than that, they will argue so much with you that you will start thinking that you are doing something wrong instead of simply doing something they don’t get.

The dream crashers will work numerous hours for their employer and they expect the same thing from others. It’s normal as if you want to succeed in the corporate world, you need to work ridiculous hours, be a performer and know the right people. I’ve concentrated in the latter 2 but I’ll never work a lot of hours . Because it’s not worth it, not compared with time with my family and friends. Will you ever regret not staying late at work? I can tell you that you will regret missing your son scoring an important goal at soccer or playing hide & seek with your daughter or simply an intimate evening with your lover. This is what you will miss in the end.

And because you take measures to spend more time with people you like than people that pay you, you are brought down by these dream crashers. They can be co-workers but they can also be members of your family or friends. People usually like the denial stage and they certainly don’t want you to wake them up with your success. This is why bursting your bubble seems like the best option to keep their denial intact.

So what the F&*/ do you care about what I’m doing with my life?

Here’s the key: they should not care that you do things differently but they do. Don’t let people question your choices, especially when you know where you are going. Don’t let the dream crashers put you to sleep again and back in the matrix. You are better than that.

So it’s now your turn to not care and tell them to get lost!

 image credit

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I don’t know if you have ever had the opportunity to teach something to a colleague, a friend or a bunch of kids but there is some magic happening when you do. When you try to pull together all your knowledge and give it to someone else, you learn something new. While the student often surpassed the teacher, I can tell you that the teacher learns as much as the student during a lesson.

This is what happened this summer when I was coaching my 6 year old son, William and a bunch of his friends at soccer.

The funniest part is that I don’t know much about the sport. In fact, I don’t know squat! When I was young, I was a baseball player… soccer wasn’t developed at all. But I know a few things about team sports and about managing a group of people. While I was teaching my son how to play soccer, he taught me or reinforced beliefs I have about running a company. Here are a few lessons that we both learned this summer :

It’s Fun To Win

The most amazing feeling when you play sports is obviously winning… especially when you have earned it! When I « score » a deal with an advertiser or when I’m able to rank better for a keyword in Google (thx Market Samurai ), it’s like winning a soccer game. You are proud of yourself and feel that you have completed something great on that day!

But Sometimes You Are a Slacker

My son’s soccer team won almost every single Saturday. On the 5^th week, they were 4-0 and were dominating their opponents. This when they started to slack and not always run for the ball. That 5^th week, they lost 5-2 and they learned their lesson: no matter how good you are, if you don’t put in some effort, you’ll eventually slack off and someone else will beat you.

I sometimes slack off at work or while doing my online work. I’ve actually highlighted a few of these mistakes in a recent post.

Be Serious About It  But Don’t Create Pressure

I sometimes get very excited about my son as he was the best player on his team. I see great potential in him and want to develop his abilities. I know that he won’t be a soccer star and play for Manchester United, but I still want him to go as far as he can since he is pretty good. But sometimes I forget that he is only 6 and my wife is there to bring be down to earth. It’s important to be serious when you do something but it’s also important to avoid too much pressure.

I’ve learned that after the Panda update where I lost a lot of my traffic and more recently when I had a bad month. I have a tendency of taking my work very seriously and sometimes freak out when things don’t go the way they are supposed to. This is exactly the moment when work stops being fun and starts becoming work! The same thing apply to sports: it’s fun as long as you have fun and put on some pressure!

It Requires Blind Faith

At the beginning of the season, I was teaching my son some tricks I saw on Youtube. During our practices, I was asking my team to do some exercises and they couldn’t understand where I was going with all of this. I was asking them to follow me and trust me. I was asking them for an act of faith. During the games, passing the ball around was easier and taking away the ball from the other teams was simple. That was all because of the tricks I showed them.

When I started my company, my silent partner asked me for a similar act of faith. He continuously asked me to trust him and keep working. More recently, he asked me to pull out a newsletter for TFB. He asked me to provide exclusive content on top of what I write on this blog. After several months of wondering where I should go with that, I have finally learned how to use my newsletter to engage my readers and it has become a wonderful tool for both my readers and I to communicate. If you wonder what I discuss in there; you simply have to sign up, it’s free!

Efforts Always Pays Off

At the beginning of the year, my son got on the soccer field with too much confidence. He had played over the winter and was by far too strong for the other kids (they made a huge mistake of mixing 5 years old with 6 years old!). So the first 3-4 games, he had difficulties scoring the same amount of goals he used to a few months ago. He was discouraged and didn’t want to put more effort into it as he wasn’t getting immediate results. Then, it was already scheduled that he would go to a 1 week soccer camp the first week of July. When he came back from this camp, he had learned that he needed to put more effort into his game and always push his limits if he wanted to score goals. At the end of the year, there was a tournament. We had 3 games to play on a beautiful Saturday. He not only scored 8 of 13 goals by the team but also made several defensive plays and was passing the ball around to his teammates. During the camp, he learned effort. During the tournament, he learned that efforts pay off!

When I founded my company in 2008, I didn’t know that I would be making a 6 figure income out of it only 2 years later. But I thought that if I was putting in non-stop efforts (and this is THE keyword: NON-STOP), it would pay off. Today, I look at my company and I’m damn proud of what I have achieved. The best thing is that it’s only the beginning ;-D.

Be a Team Player if You Want to Win

As I told you, I don’t know much about soccer. But there is one thing I know; soccer is a team sport. And if you don’t play as a team, you won’t be able to win. This was the only message I wanted to share with my son and his teammates this summer: be a team player and WE will win. So I asked my “scorers” to pass the ball more often, I asked my “shy” players to jump into the offensive play and asked all my team to help each other when they were falling down or losing the ball to the opponent.

The success of my partnership is that we don’t want to be star players: we want to win. Therefore, it doesn’t matter who brings in the money, who works more yesterday who accomplishs the best blog post. All that matters is at the end of the day, the company is better today than it was yesterday.

Unfortunately, we didn’t win the tournament this year. We were pretty close but lost one game. The difference in this game was the coaches. Yup, I got “outcoached” but at a price I wasn’t ready to pay: selling my team spirit for a few more goals. When the other coach realized that we had a strong team, he had decided to keep his best players on the field during the whole game (we have to change our players every 3 minutes since they are too young to play at a “competitive” level). So he benched some 6 year old kids to keep his best players on the field all the time. I could have easily done it with my 2 best players and we would have probably won the game.

But on that day, our team won a lot more than this game. We played as a team, we won and lost as a team. And this was the most important: over the short period of 3 months, we have been able to build a team and care for each other. Both parents and kids were friends at the end and our group was always the last ones to leave the field on the weekend. This is what I will remember from that experience!

I’ve certainly learned a lot coaching these “timbits” over the summer and I’ll certainly come back next summer as I want to learn more from them!

Have you ever had the chance to learn something from your children, friends, family while teaching them something?

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“If you enter a niche because you’re following the dollars, you wont keep it up. It’s too much work, and you will get tired and frustrated and you will eventually fold.” — Gary Vaynerchuk.

There’s just something that everybody ought to know about starting a business. What is this?

You must start a business for the right reasons.

Sounds simple enough, right? Let’s dig into it a little deeper…

What are some of the right reasons for starting a business? I’ll name a few:

• Solve problems.
• Help people.
• Fill a gap.
• Build a legacy.

What are the wrong reasons for starting your own business? I’ll share a few as well:

• Pickup line at bars.
• Make lots of money and retire at 30.
• Be the boss and not do anything.

What got me thinking about the idea of starting a business for the right reasons?

Allow me to tell you a little story. I have a friend (perhaps acquaintance?) that’s always trying to get rich quick or figure out some way to make money without working (no he’s not a lifestyle design blogger). His plans are often embarrassing and you could tell his intentions are horrible. He always talks about being a wealthy business owner without giving many other details.

This friend ran into me just the other day and asked me about my trip to Europe. I of course had many stories to share that I can’t mention on here. Before I could even respond he was already bragging about his new business plan. Before he even told me about the idea he bragged about being a business owner.

Essentially his goal with this new business idea (and every other business idea) is to be able to change his occupation on FaceBook to “Owner of Random Company Name.” His logic is that this will make his ex-girlfriend jealous and she’ll take him back while other girls fight for him. He also wants to be hire his friends and boss them around. He already told one friend in a smarmy manner that he would make him his personal janitor or driver. Long story short, these plans never work out.

Every failed business attempt costs him another friend or two. He tries to convince his good friends to work for him for free with promises of huge earnings in the future. It never happens. What makes it worse is that one our mutual friends happens to have an MBA and a strong business background. So naturally he doesn’t ask him for any advice.

Why don’t any of his business ideas work out? He’s trying to start a business for all of the wrong reasons. He wants to get rich without solving any real pains in the world. He doesn’t care one bit about solving real problems. He wants to boss his friends around before he even earns their respect. He wants to show off to girls that he’s a business owner. All of which are some of the worst reasons for wanting to start a business.

Now don’t get me wrong because I live in the real world. I don’t live in some Utopian society where everyone is happy all of the time and nothing bad ever happens. We all need to make a living. We all need to earn a few dollars. I understand that the point of any business is to make money. I also believe that you need to solve problems and stand out from the crowd if you want to make any real money.

Oh and by the way, I would like to consider anything that you to do for revenue to be a business. This could be your side hustle as a dog walker or writing freelance articles for a blog. It doesn’t matter what you do for your business as long as you get into it for the right reasons. There’s nothing wrong with making money and living a comfortable life. You must be willing and ready to put the work in first.

The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary (not sure where I stole this from).

“You will find men who want to be carried on the shoulders of others, who think that the world owes them a living. They don’t seem to see that we must all lift together and pull together. ” — Henry Ford.

(photo credit: cristimat)

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