August 24, 2010, 5:00 am

A Letter from My Wallet

by: The Financial Blogger    Category: Miscellaneous,Personal Finance
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Dear Mike,

I’m writing this letter to you because we rarely have the occasion to talk. The fact that I am always stuck in your back pocket doesn’t help either. That is without mentioning the long day I spent alone on the kitchen table when you forget about me the other morning! Since I’m in a position to watch your back, I’d like to give you a few pointers:

#1 Clean me up!

As you may have noticed, I’m starting to fall apart. Since I feel that I am too young to retire, I would appreciate if you could open me during a rainy afternoon and look inside. Take a look and see why I’m having so much difficulty holding everything together, why my leather is starting to gather holes:

–         This old Starbucks card has been empty for the past 6 months. I know you told me that you would fill it up again but you keep using old spare change or your credit card to get points when you get a coffee. Getting rid of the Starbucks card doesn’t mean that you have to get rid of your coffee habit!

–         Speaking of which, you still have too many credit cards in your wallet. Why have more than 2? Your reward card is a great idea, having a second no fee card for emergency use is smart too. But carrying your (full) transfer balance credit card with you? What is the point? You even have an old Amex that has been cancelled by the creditor since you haven’t used it for years!

–         Association cards… do you really need to feel young again? Listen to me; you are not at school anymore. This time is over, you have a child seat in your RX-8… grow up and toss your old university card into the nearest trash can.

–         Finally, the last card in me is a gift card you bought to go to a local restaurant. I remember the day where you picked me up in a hurry because the kid at your door was desperately smiling at you so you would buy one of his cards. Let me be your best friend and listen to this advice: each time someone knocks at your door doesn’t mean that you have to buy what they have to sell!

#2 Update me!

You know, Mike, I can still be your friend for many good years. I can hold all our important stuff and still carry a few dollars even though they have become very old fashioned these days. But you also need to update what I have to carry:

–         Gift cards (that are valid!) should be part of me. Each time you go to a store you forget to bring them because you leave all your gift cards in a drawer, what sort of idea is this?

–         A car assistance card would definitely not be taking space in my arms for nothing (as compared to your old Starbuck card!). I know you like your car and you are really proud of it, but it is still a 2004 and has nearly 100,000 km on it. Maybe you should think about the day you will be stuck on the highway…

–         You know I love our family. I hold a picture of them daily and I’m proud of them. But it would be nice if I had an updated picture of Amy before she enters high school…

So Mike, I think that if you can spend only 10 minutes this weekend with me, we would become even better friends than we already are.

And oh, by the way, it’s okay to forget me on the counter the days you plan to have hot dogs with chilli sauce… it’s not very funny to be in your back pocket on those days…

Take care,

Your old, but still yours,

Wallet.

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Comments

Hilarious! Reminds me, I need to clean out my wallet…have some old gift cards in there from Chapters, Galaxy Cinemas, and Subway with about $0.23 on them combined.

My purse sent me a letter too…but it’s so nasty I can’t possibly reprint it especially the part about throwing her into the car. There were even cuss words about the plum I put in there and forgot for a week.